Friday, April 22, 2011
Restoring Trust in Relationships Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair
How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it. This article is about restoring trust in relationships.
Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.
If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.
What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?
You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.
Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.
But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.
The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.
One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.
Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.
This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.
Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.
Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.
Broken Promises, Mended Hearts : Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships