I Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time LineI Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time Line

When I think about how I lost love, I think about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  When I lost love, I felt the whole world had collapsed around me.  I’m sharing my story in order to help you if you too have lost the love of your life.

I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan.  In Junior High, that’s about four days.  As we get older, the lifespan increases.  But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry.  Most of us will only have one great love in our lives.  The other relationships will terminate.  That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.

In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship.  Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment.  As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places.  I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level.  I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.

Now, I know I handled the situation badly.  I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand.  Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me.  I lost love over the events of one night.

But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment.  I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in.  I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.  

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex.  But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate.  Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time.  I loved her.  I still love her.  But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.

I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong.  I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things.  Sure, I understood that I had hurt her.  But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.

I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were.  But, every relationship has to grow or die.  Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die.  In every relationship, there is a time to die.  And, for me, this was it.  That’s how I lost love.

iFind Lewbert's Lost Love

How to Win Love Back With Common Sense

How to win love back is a topic that I want to talk about today.  Too many people do this all wrong.  They think that they must aggressively pursue their ex in order to get him or her back.  In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.  If you want to know how to win love back, follow the advice in this article as closely as possible.

The first thing you need to know in the how to win love back arena is that you do not want to chase your ex.

Too many guys think they must pursue their ex’s.  They send hundreds of texts, call at odd hours of the day, and even stalk their ex girlfriend’s home.  They send flowers and gifts.

This is wrong, wrong, wrong because it makes you look desperate.  Women like Alpha males, not sniveling guys they think are jokes.  When you appear desperate, your ex girlfriend will start playing head games with you.  She’ll let you come over, and then invite a new guy over too.  She’ll pretend she’s interested only to go off in another direction.

And, the more you fall into this trap, the more games she’ll play.  This is not the answer to how to win love back.

Instead of chasing her and being desperate, you need to play games with her that make her come crawling to you.

When you are in a group that includes her, flirt with every girl but her.  If she has an enemy in the group, pay special attention to that girl.  By ignoring your ex, you make her want to come back to you.  You are reminding her of all of your charms, but not applying them to her.

It’s a good idea to go out on a date with one of her close friends.  Send your ex a text message saying “now that we’re just friends, I wanted your opinion on something.  Where should I take Mary to dinner after the big game?”  That is sure to make your ex girlfriend jealous and it’s one of the tricks for how to win love back.

Even if you don’t want to play head games with your ex, there is one thing that you can do that may help you in the how to win love back arena.  That is, you should be happy.

Girls like to date happy guys.  If you work on you rather than focus on her, you have a much better chance getting her back.

Go work out at the gym.  Hang with your buddies.  Get involved in a hobby you never had time for when you were dating her.  Go out on dates.  Even if you have to fake being happy initially, you will soon realize that you really are happy.

This way, whether you get the girl back or you move on, you will be a happier person.

And, that is my advice for how to win love back.

Water for Elephants

Get Guy Back – A Gals Guide to Making Up

How do you get guy back?  How do you convince him that what the two of you had together was special?  This is your “get guy back” gal’s guide to making up.

First of all, you have to recognize that whatever happened, you were both at fault.  If you cheated, he wasn’t giving you what you needed so you looked elsewhere.  If he cheated, you were the one not giving what he needed.  Yes, the cheater is morally culpable for the cheating.  The moral responsibility does not lie with the person who was cheated upon.  But the fault lies in both party’s laps.

Given that, it is important to forgive and forget.  True forgiveness means that you let go of all of the anger related to the incident.  You never bring it up again.  You never let it cloud your relationship.  If you cannot do this, you won’t get guy back for any period of time.

If you were the person at fault, apologize – and mean it.  Too many times, after people say “I’m sorry,” there’s an “Oops I did it again,” moment.  You’re not Britney Spears.  It’s not cute.  When you say you are sorry, you have to commit to changing.  Otherwise, you don’t mean it and you won’t get guy back.

Be prepared to chase him a little bit.  This doesn’t mean sending him hundreds of text messages or stalking him, but you have got to show him that you are still interested if you want to get guy back.  You can’t expect him to come running back just because you have sent out some modest signals that you are ready to re-start the relationship.  Put your ego in check and put your heart on the line.

You may have to settle for something less than you wanted.  It may be that he is only ready to be friends when you want a full fledged boyfriend.  It may take time to rebuild the trust.  If this is the case, you need to give him the space he needs to get to know you again.  Accept that you have to take what he is offering right now if you want to eventually get guy back.

Finally, you have to know when to give up on the get guy back strategy.  Sometimes, you just have to move on.  If your boyfriend is unable to forgive you, you are in a position where the best thing you can do is move on and enter into new relationships.  While this will break your heart right now, it may be the best thing that could have happened to you.  Whatever went wrong in this relationship, your soul mate is still out there.  Get guy back may stop you from meeting him!

Long John Peter

Avoiding A Love Break Up

If you’ve ever had your love break up you know how painful it is.  And if you thought back after the relationship ended, you probably saw all the signs that you didn’t recognize before. If you’ll remember those signs and keep them in mind, they can help you prevent a break up in the future.  And they can also help you get back together after a split.

One sure sign of impending love break up is the lack of physical contact. This doesn’t just mean sex.  If your partner suddenly stops having an interest in sex, that’s a good sign that a break up is coming.  But the normal flow and rhythm of a relationship has times when there’s lots of sex and times when there’s not much. This is natural.

A love break up is probably on the horizon though, if your partner stops holding your hand for no apparent reason.  Or he or she stops putting an arm over your shoulder at the movies or in public when he or she always did it before. Any sudden changes like not touching you much outside the bedroom when your partner was always very affectionate before could signal problems.

If it goes beyond not touching to the person actually becoming uncomfortable at your touch, then you definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about what’s going on.  Don’t just assume that because your partner flinched away from your touch that there’s about to be a love break up, though.  Many things can cause a person to not want to be touched at any given moment.

A person might have been thinking of something else and been surprised or startled by the touch.   He or she might think that your touch signals that it’s time to have sex, if you’re not very affectionate except when you want to be intimate.  And maybe your partner isn’t in the mood for sex now and chose to show you that by moving away from your touch.  That doesn’t mean you’re headed for a love break up.

Your partner might simply not feel good. Every change in a person’s behavior doesn’t signal an impending love break up or even anything wrong with the relationship.  You have to watch them closely for a while to determine if some behavior is an occasional thing, something brought on only during certain times, or if it’s a permanent part of the person’s make up.

Catching your partner in lies, even what seem like small and harmless ones, could be a sign of problems, too. After all, if a lie is small and harmless, why tell it in the first place?  Where there’s one tiny lie, larger and more damaging lies can grow. Don’t become convinced it’s a love break up right away though. People lie about many things that aren’t bad, like surprise parties and reunions.  Your partner might be trying to keep a harmless and fun secret like that, instead of scheming about a love break up.

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

Im Still In Love My Ex May Not Be

You might say, “I’m still in love, my ex isn’t.” This is a difficult situation.  First of all, you don’t really know that your ex is not still in love with you, too.  Your ex may have claimed to not love you anymore, and that’s possible.  But it’s also possible that he or she still harbors feelings for you.  Many couples who still love each other very much break up for other reasons.

If you can honestly say, I’m still in love my ex, there’s a good chance your ex might still love you.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to try to get back together.  You broke up for a reason.  Even if you didn’t want to break up and the break off was entirely your ex’s doing, really think hard about things.  It’s rare that a person can’t think back and see reasons why the break-up might be for the best.  It isn’t always easy right at first when you’re still in so much pain from the break-up, but with time you’ll probably see that the break-up might even be good for you.

If the break-up was mutual and now you’re having a hard time because you feel “I’m still in love, my ex should be here with me,” then it’s even more important that you examine why you agreed to the break-up in the first place.  Yes, there is a chance that a mutual split was a mistake.  But if you’ll really look back at the reasons you both had for calling a halt to the relationship, you might find that’s better to love your ex from afar and work through the sadness rather than try to rekindle the romance.

“I’m still in love; my ex even wants to get back together.”  While this might make you feel very hopeful that the two of you might be able to work things out and live happily ever after, don’t be fooled into thinking that it will be easy.  The reasons you broke up are still there.  If you get back together, what will change?  Your relationship might go along well for a while because you’re both so happy to be back together.

If you broke up thinking, I’m still in love my ex, and he or she thought the same so you got back together, you’ll go through a honeymoon period just as you did when you were a new couple.  You’ll both feel like you saved the relationship and kept each other from making a horrible mistake.  But that feel-good honeymoon period will wear off eventually. And then what will you do?

How are you going to prevent the problems that caused you to break up in the first place from coming back and making you want to part ways again? Couples counseling is a good option.  If you think, “I’m still in love my ex and want him or her back,” then consider counseling to keep old problems from splitting you up again later.

I'm Still In Love With You  I'm Still In Love With You

How To Stop My Divorce

First, if you were the one who made the decision to end the marriage and now you wonder, how can I stop my divorce? you should realize that you’re in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationships.  You’ll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology.  Explain that you acted hastily and that now you regret it.  Explain that you no longer want the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong.

This might seem a difficult step, but it’s necessary.  Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a good idea, too.  When you want to know, “How to stop my divorce,” you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong.  Unless they’ve had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.

If you’re wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place,” then you have your work cut out for you.  You can explain, without judgment or accusations, that you think the marriage is worth saving and that you don’t want a divorce.  Chances are that you’ve done this, more than once.  But the way you say it can make a difference.

It’s important for you to be very mature and calm about it.  That’s not always easy to do.  Divorce is an emotional and painful thing.  But it’s one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics.  If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you’re giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to learn ‘how to stop my divorce’ you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.

You also have to be willing to work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can’t go back to the way it was, but must change for the better.  Suggest marital counseling.  Explain, “I want to stop my divorce,” but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you’re ready to make them better.

How To Stop Your Divorce: A Guide To Repairing Your Broken Marriage

Heartbroken Poem To Help You Heal

If you’ve ever been through a sad break-up with someone you’ve love, you may have written a heartbroken poem.  You may have even written such a poem for things like the loss of a pet or a family member, sadness at moving away from your friends, or any number of sad life events.  But it seems nothing inspires such sad poetry as a break-up or divorce.  Just as few things inspire love poetry quite like being in a happy, loving relationship.

Poetry is an excellent medium for self-expression. Unless you’re writing poetry with the hope of having it published one day, you can write poetry however you like.  It doesn’t have to be good poetry.  You don’t have to understand any of the poetic terms or conventions like rhyme, meter or free verse.  You don’t even have to have ever read a really good poem in your life to write a heartbroken poem that can help you feel better and maybe help you heal from the pain of a break-up.

An important early step in getting over a break-up or any sad situation is simply facing the pain.  While it might feel better to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation, you can’t really move past it without facing it and feeling the pain, at least for a while.  So facing up to whatever painful situation is happening is necessary.  A heartbroken poem can help you deal with those painful feelings when you’ve split with someone you love.

Don’t worry about whether it’s good or not.  No one else ever has to read your heartbroken poem.  It’s for you and you alone.  Just write down your feelings, as hard as that may be.  You can write in plain language.  Don’t try to imitate the poets of the 17th and 18th century.  Write like you talk, and break the lines where it feels natural to you.  In fact, you can start by writing one huge paragraph filled with all your feelings and everything you want to express, just to get it out.  Then you can go back and arrange your thoughts and feelings into a poem.

Once you’ve written a heartbroken poem, you might want to write more about different parts of the pain.  That’s good.  Get down everything you can, and that will help you to face the pain. Writing the poetry will probably be a very emotional time for you.  Don’t try to stop it.  Just let the pain out and you’ll be better able to move on.

If you decide you want to share your heartbroken poem, you can show family or friends.  Or if you want to share it but not with anyone you know, you can put it online.  There are websites designed just for such things.  You can upload your poetry for free and let other people know if you want to receive criticism or not.  You might opt to not receive comments on your heartbroken poem and just enjoy the fact that you’ve shared your experience.

Heartbroken Poem

Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce. 

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage. 

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else. 

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will. 

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run. 

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy. 

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

Loving Relationships: Becoming a Lovable Person in a Loving Relationship

How To Win Back Lost Love

If you’ve had a break-up, you’re probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love.  Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different.  You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything.  Think about how things were and how they will be now.  Try to be as unbiased as you can.  You might decide that the break-up really isn’t a bad idea.

If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize.  You might think you’ve done this.  You might have said you were sorry several times.  But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.

If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again.  Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it.  (And hopefully, you do.)

When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them.  You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive.  Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it.  If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it.  And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.

If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up.  If you haven’t forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything.  Old wounds would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said.

But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be any need to rehash the past.  While you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief down the road.

Also, to win back lost love, show the person the "you" they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped.  They were with you because you have certain qualities—kindness, thoughtfulness—not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt.  While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best "you" you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.

How to win back your ex, how to save your relationship

Get Guy Back After a Breakup

It can be a difficult time after a man breaks up with you.  You probably don't feel or even act like yourself at this point.  Life almost seems like it has lost its meaning with him in it.  Maybe you want to get guy back.

Getting back with someone who broke up with you can be a very difficult task. For whatever reason, the other person decided that they no longer wanted to try and work things out.  They just wanted it to end.  It's usually easier to work out a relationship while you're still in it; as opposed to when it has ended.

With that being said, you can get guy back if he broke up with you.  The most critical aspect to this is you are absolutely positive that getting back with him is exactly what you want.  Make sure your motives for getting back with him are the right ones.  Don't want him back just to have him back.  Make sure  that there are very good reasons why you want him back.

The second most critical aspect to get guy back is to realize that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Some people can make up and move on.  Others, they just can't recapture the magic of the relationship they once shared.  Even if you don't succeed you will know you did your best to get guy back.

If you want to get guy back, you must, and there is no room for negotiation on this, get your emotions in check.  Guys do not want to be with women who can't keep their emotions under control.  If you attempt to contact him while you don't have control of your emotions you may do even more damage.  For example, if he was starting to miss you and think about you, but you contact him and you're an emotional mess, you may make him realize that his choice to break up with you was valid.

The best thing you can do is instead of worrying about what he's doing, or feel sad that you don't have him, is to start living your own life.  You must prove to him that you can be mature about this breakup.  Keep up with your daily routines.  Do your hair nice, wear makeup, wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself.  Hang out with your friends.

If you're staying active and living your life without bothering him, you will have a better chance to get him back.  If you stay out of contact with him, no calls, no email, no text messages, nothing, you'll probably find that he will eventually call you, or get in touch with you.

When he does, just keep it brief.  Tell him how busy you've been.  Don't get mushy or gush out feelings for him.  Act indifferent and aloof.  This will confuse him.  If he wants to see you again, make sure you look your best.  Don't let him touch you or kiss you.  Before you leave, if you want, give him a hug but that's it.  This will drive him crazy.  From this point, you should be able to get guy back pretty easily.  Just take it slow.

As you can see, you can get guy back, you just have to get your emotions under control.  Life your life to the fullest.  Always look your best, because that will help you to feel your best.  Back off, give him space.  He'll most likely contact you and want to see you again.  When he does, be a little bit of a tease.  Make him work for your affections again.

Ex Boyfriend To Get Back Read 5 Simple Tips

It is not easy for you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup. However, there are a few tips that you can follow to have him back again. So many people don’t succeed in winning their ex back.  It's not really our fault.  No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup.  Much less, how to get someone back after a breakup.. If you want your ex boyfriend back then  these 5 simple steps should help achieve your goal:

1.The first tip which will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight.  You need to get rid of the negative thoughts.  You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself.  You have to be willing to be strong.

Don't let your emotion and especially depression keep you down.  You can't achieve a goal, if you can't keep your emotions in check and your mind clear.  Negative thoughts are destructive behavior.

2.Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over.  All the wishing in the world isn't going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened.  You can't let your mind keep wandering into the past.

Focus on what is going on now.  If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn't perfect you're heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back.  Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened.  Think about this; the relationship didn't get broke in a day.  Don't expect to be able to fix it in a day either.

3.Don't pester your ex boyfriend.  Guys just don't like it when girls become obsessive about them.  Especially ex boyfriends.  You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while.  Don't continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him.  Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake.  He may begin to actually miss you.  If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.

4.Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup.  Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle.  If you've picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy.  When you look good on the outside, you're going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside.  By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy.  When you're confident and happy, you will project this image to others.  You will become an object of desire to men.  This includes your ex boyfriend.

5.Take it slow.  If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you.  Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4.  He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you.  Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.

Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you've become confident and happy will make him desire you.  If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy.  It will probably help to ensure that you don't just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.

These tips may not be easy for you to do at first.  You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation.  These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup.

How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

7 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship

Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship?  Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first.  For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up?  Wrong!  Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship.  The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable.  This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive.  Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work.  Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message.  This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language.  If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying.  When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency.  If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need.  When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive.  When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.  

Don’t keep secrets.  Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship.  Be honest and open.  Assume everything you know will eventually come out.  Secrets require enormous energy on your part.  That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.  

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are.  Don’ t make him or her guess what you need.  Let them know.  It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish.  Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no.  When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing.  But you don’t need to say yes to everything.  A partner cannot respect you if you never say no.  Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth.  When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt.  Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain.  But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth.  Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions.  These become the fertilizer for growth and change.  Embrace what is difficult.  

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain.  But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.

The SPEED of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything

How can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship

How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship?  Here are some clues:

· Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others

· While your partner says they love you, their actions don’t back it up.

· Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or “showing up” at places you are just to “check up” on you.

· Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.

· You have changed things about yourself to please them.

Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them.  So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship?  Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?

A toxic relationship has a cycle.  There’s a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation – at which point the cycle begins anew.

When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage.  It is not until they’ve sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship.  At that point, it is difficult to get out.

One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes.  As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it.  And, they may not know any better.  Others believe they do not deserve happiness.  Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.

But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you do have choices.  Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.  

Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself.  In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault.  Once you buy into this,  it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.

For some people, working in therapy groups can help them either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships.  

The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships.  Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds.

But others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.

The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged.  Sometimes it takes a little space.  Other times, it takes counseling.  But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.

The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you’re willing to walk away.  If you aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.  

Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection.  Don’t nag the other person.  Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”

If you don’t get what you need, the other person should know that you’re prepared to walk.

A healthy relationship is a two way street.  In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.  You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.

Toxic Relationships: How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship

Restoring Trust in Relationships Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated?  Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship.  But I disagree.  I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.  This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions.  Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship.  But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray.  There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased.  But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed?  Was the sex humdrum?  Was she too busy for you?  Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect.  So, what needs to be done to fix it?  Often that lies in self analysis.  But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems.  Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough.  The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them.  If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it.  And, do it consistently.  When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed.  This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time.  You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course.  It is not easy for her to forgive the breach.  If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever.  In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building.  Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident.  Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.  Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time.  It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.  But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

Broken Promises, Mended Hearts : Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships

Relationship Quotes for Your Enjoyment

Sometimes the best way to say something is the way someone more literary than you has said it.  In that vein, here are some relationship quotes of note:

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
-Oprah Winfrey

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take." -Anthony Robbins


"Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same." -Flavia Weedn

"The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time. And that's why when one has become a forgiving person, and has managed to let go of the past, what they've really done is they've shifted their relationship with time." – Caroline Myss

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." – Mark Twain

"Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with" ~ Gillian Anderson

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." – Aristotle

"The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart." – Helen Keller

"Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found." – Winston Churchill

"It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations." – Kahlin Gibran

"To love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person." – Eric Fromm

"Man is a knot into which relationships are tied." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete." ~ Keith Sweat

"Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." ~ Stephen R. Covey

"Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made - like bread, remade all the time, made new." – Ursula LeGuin

"Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it's really no fun lying to 'em anymore." -Norm from Cheers

There’s a broad collection of relationship quotes for you.

The book of love quotes

Relationship Advice for Men Look at Evolution to Find a Mate

What is the best relationship advice for men?  What should men know if they want a relationship to work for the long haul?

Probably the single biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to stop listening to what women say they want and start observing what women actually display that they want.

How do they display what they want?  It is as simple as observing what kind of men they choose.

Women say “I want a man who listens to me.”  They choose the man who dominates the conversation.  Women say, “I want a guy with a good sense of humor.”  They date the guy who has money.

Why do women say they want one thing but actually go out with a guy who is just the opposite?  The answer to that question lies in the subconscious motivators for getting together.  And, therein lies my relationship advice for men.

The historical, biological reason for men and women to get together is to propagate the species.  In other words, just because getting pregnant may be the last thing on her conscious mind, when she evaluates a man at the subconscious level, she’s still looking for a good papa for her children.

Is the good dad someone who listens to her?  No, it is someone who will provide for her children.  And, the person who can provide for her children is someone who has the confidence to bring home the bacon.

Women need men who can be good providers.  While a man can produce thousands of sperm on repeated occasions throughout their adult lives, even into their 90’s, women have about 400 chances of producing a baby.  As a result, they are looking for a man who can provide longevity and stability for their babies.

A man who tells a women he is a lawyer and not a paralegal will have a better chance of landing her.  That is because she perceives that a lawyer is a better provider for her future children.

But having a good income is not enough.  A woman needs to perceive that a man is generous with his resources and will provide for her children.  That is why women place such a high value on gifts such as jewelry.

It may also be why the engagement ring must be such a large purchase.  When you ask a woman to marry you, you give her a ring, not just because it is traditional and romantic, but because it is a tangible display that you can provide for her and her children.

Further, even though modern humans make money more from their brains than their brawn, women are still programmed to think of strength equaling the ability to provide.  That’s why, even when there is evidence to the contrary in the form of a tax return, the woman is hardwired to choose the lineman over the computer geek.

So, the biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to figure out what women need from an evolutionary point of view and give it to her.

Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men

How A Rebound Relationship Can Work In Your Favor

If you have broken up with the love of your life and she is in a rebound relationship, how do you get her back?

A rebound relationship is one where she is dating someone else to get over you.  Rebound relationships keep people from having to deal with the emotions of breaking up.  They're used to help people move on from a real love.

And that's the key to getting your ex back.  She's in a rebound relationship to deal with losing you.

It does not matter why she lost you.  It doesn't matter if it is your fault or hers.  It doesn't even matter who actually called the relationship off.  What matters is that you have a real love.

Because virtually all relationships founded on real love can be saved.

If she's in a rebound relationship, she will be focusing on what is wrong with your relationship.  If you were a "good guy" she'll probably be hanging out with a "bad boy."  If you were into philosophy, he'll be watching Monday Night Football.  Or, vice versa.

The fact that she is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons.  Her attention is still focused on you even when she's with the new guy.  And, it gives you a chance to see what she's looking for.

If she's with someone as different from you as possible, it means that she was missing something in your relationship.  You can use the time she's with rebound man to improve yourself.

Let the rebound relationship run its course.  Because, as she spends time with the new guy, she will start to see the flaws in him.  After a month or so with rebound man, you'll start to look pretty good.

That's why you don't want to crawl back to her right away.  Let her develop the idea that she misses the good things in the relationship.  When she's ready to make a move, be magnanimous.  Welcome her back graciously.  Be a new and improved boyfriend, but don't do the chasing.

Here are some specific steps to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:

* Don't try to convince her that you are the love of her life.  Let her discover this on her own.

* Don't apologize profusely.  If you did something wrong, you can say you're sorry.  Once.  But move on.  She knows the real reason she loves you.

* Don't make promises to change.  You are who you are and that's who she fell in love with.

* Don't try to make her see that it wasn't your fault.  She will come to appreciate that over time - but only if you haven't made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.

* Never, ever beg her to take you back.

When you ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, she's in a rebound relationship.  You can make up with her and get back together.  Don't despair.  The rebound relationship is a sign that she's still in love with you.

The Relationship Rescue Workbook: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner

7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.  While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not enough.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.

Is your relationship worth saving?  If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.

Best Seller Books On Relationships May Make A Fool Of You

If your ex has just broken up with you, you may be in the marketplace for books on relationships. But how do you choose the best books on relationships among the many offerings out there?

In this article, I will show you how to choose the best books on relationships. And the answer will surprise you. Read on…

First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters after a author’s name. There are many people who find school to be a convenient escape from real life. Instead of engaging with people, they spend their time in the classroom and library. As a result, they end up with a lot of letters after their names when they hit age 35. They use their degrees to indicate that they have “expert knowledge” of a situation. But does their expertise work in the real world?

Instead, you should look for books on relationships by authors who have been in the trenches. They’ve either put a bad relationship back together themselves or they have helped countless buddies do the same. These aren’t therapy patients that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either. These relationships are those of people the author cares deeply about.

Next, you want to find books that don’t boil down to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work on yourself during that period.” This is all most “save your relationship” or “get your ex back” reports say. Many of the ebooks on the market turn that concept into 50 page documents. These are just pieces of fluff and don’t deserve your attention – or your money.

Instead, you should look for a book that will give you new information; information that you’re friends can’t give you.

For instance, will the book tell you what women crave the most? Will it give you a step by step guide for how to give it to her? Will the book show you how to recover from an affair? Will it give you specific techniques to get relief from your pain?

Finally, look at who is recommending the book. Do the testimonials seem a little generic? Were they written by the author’s brother and second cousin?

You want to find books on relationships that come recommended by a wide variety of people, in various situations, from all walks of life. If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly engaged woman from Kansas have used the book, chances are it will work for you.

There are many books on relationships on the market. Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they weren’t written by someone in the trenches. As a result, they have generic advice that could be best summed up in a paragraph or two. Then, what recommendations the book can get are generic in nature, because the book really has nothing going for it.

Finding the best books on relationships can take a little work. But, everything about relationships are work. Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in the very best book out them?

Men Are Better Than Women

Advice on Relationships How to Keep a Woman Happy

Do you know how to keep a woman happy?  Here is some advice on relationships for men.

The first advice on relationships item I have for you is to always be yourself.  Many men don’t feel that they are good enough to catch a beautiful, sexy woman, so they put on a show.  But a confident man is the sexiest beast around.  Have you ever noticed that some of the ugliest guys have some of the prettiest women?  That is because they display a level of confidence that is more attractive to women than physical looks.

Next, you should do the little things.  This means offering to take her car in for an oil change or giving her a bag of Jelly Bellies (her favorite flavors) from time to time.  Sometimes men think in terms of “grand gestures,” when it is the little things add up to long relationships.

This ties into the next piece of advice on relationships: appreciate her.  You shouldn’t take her for granted.  Let her know that you value her.

Next up is not obviously looking at other women when you are with her.  Women think that you are comparing her to the woman you’re looking at.  They don’t understand the whole concept of “the day I stop looking is the day I die.”  This comes from the biological drive for monogamy in women.  Women are looking for a lifetime partner for a man with whom they can raise children.  They can’t help it.  That’s how evolution designed them.  So minimize the ogling, especially when she’s around.

You should try to make her laugh.  While men list good looks at the top of the things they need in a woman, women list a man’s sense of humor.  So, if you want the relationship to last, keep her laughing.

The next bit of advice on relationships comes in seeking common interests.  It’s great if you got together because of a hobby or an interest, but it still helps when you take an interest in a long standing passion of hers.  If this means developing an appreciation for foreign films, so be it.  This shows that you care about her and she’ll know you are one in a million.

Once you get the girl, it may seem like you don’t have to try anymore – at least as far as grooming goes.  And, while women are less sensitive to looks than men are, they still like a man who makes an attempt.  So, shave on weekends.  Keep in touch with the latest fashion trends for men.  In short, don’t get sloppy just because you’ve landed her.  You can unland her just as easily.

She’s going to need to know that she can integrate you into her circle of family and friends.  A man must be part of her larger life, especially after the first few weeks of passion are over.  So, make an effort to get along with her girlfriends and impress her parents.  A woman relies on her social network to validate her relationship choices.  Make an effort.

You should always be considerate of her feelings.  Women are less stable than guys.  Part of this is hormonal.  When you are sensitive to her mood, you won’t get on her bad side.

The final piece of advice on relationships is to be open to trying new things.  At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new from the types of dates you arrange to the way you kiss.  But, after a while, these things become routine.  If you find that your relationship has fallen into a rut, shake things up.  Try something new.  It will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy.

So, there are ten bits of advice on relationships to keep your dating life strong. Look you guys, these things are common sense and the fact is I almost drove my sweetheart out of my life because I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. There is a book that woke me up written by T 'Dub' Jackson called "The Magic Of Making Up". After I read it and began applying his common sense suggestions, our love life turned around. Not only that all of my personal relationships, with friends, co-workers and my family have become much smother than they were before.

You might want to check out "The Magic of Making Up" yourself.

.HOW TO KEEP YOUR WOMAN HAPPY IN BED

Finding True Love Through Intimacy

Finding True Love Through Intimacy, What is an Intimate Relationship? RelationshipVision, an online relationship training resource, Finding true love

A lot of people have been asking about true love; is there such a thing; if so, what is it? Is it attainable; if so, how attainable is it? If it were just love, I wouldn’t have so much difficulty. But, true love?

Talking about true love is risky business. I can imagine taking a poll, going around asking people who are looking for true love what it is they’re looking for and getting different answers and a lot of “I don’t knows.” Given its subjective nature, it always comes down to one’s interpretation or experience. A never-ending number of questions always seem to get raised. 

Let’s establish that what we are talking about when we say ‘true love’ would not be referring to how a parent might feel towards his or her child or a child towards a parent, between siblings. The more traditional connotation of true love leans to, at very least, an emotionally intimate relationship, one that lasts a lifetime. It may be platonic, it may sexual. But for the purposes of this discussion we will first explore what may be some common core elements of true love and of true love that includes sexual intimacy.  

As we continue the discussion about what true love is, we will see that a number of related questions are raised.

Is true love, love at first sight? Or, does it come later in the relationship? 

True love may and often does begin during the initial encounter, when two people are meeting for the first time. However, the spontaneous, eye-to-eye spark, when time gets compressed, when an irrepressible stirring suddenly before they even talk happens more often in the movies, quite rarely in reality. 

After ‘…first sight,’ the two people will eventually have to talk to each other. For then, they will get to see how they feel being together. That spark will either ignite or be kaput, depending on how it feels to be together, which is largely determined by the quality of their rapport. The highest high can go to the lowest low in the blink of an eye.

It is possible that when there is rapport, some kind of mutual discovery occurs; that they like being together (a lot), that they like each other (a lot), that they have this incredible chemistry, that they communicate about anything and everything; and that this turns them on even more. They can become quite excited by their rapport, but when attraction, desire and sex enter the picture, their excitement is further peaked.  

Is true love a matter of luck or something that was “meant to be”?  

Whether or not it was a matter of luck or their destiny to end up together, there is a strong likelihood that there was an initial rapport. It’s not luck when conscious intention meets purposeful action. It doesn’t just happen. Two people make it happen.  

Rapport is a joint effort creation -- two who are people united in purpose, who place a high value getting to know what each other thinks and feels, who want to connect deeply, and are doing so. 

During a rapport, there is a bridging of experience, understanding is achieved. Let’s establish one criteria of true love as being able to say, “We understand each other,” which often begins during the initial encounter. 

Along with the ability to achieve a deep mutual understanding is comes a variety of other pleasant surprises. When gazing into each other’s eyes and communicating on a deep level, the feeling of knowing one another elevates the level of excitement. “We know each other like no one else does.”  

For some, the experience of being able to be completely open, free and understood may be the highest of all highs. 

How long does true love last? Does it fade over time?   

It is reasonable to assume that if they did it once, they could do it again. However, there are no guarantees. What bears out in reality is that true love will last as long as both people are able to continue to communicate intimately. It may work to look at each and every encounter as a relationship in itself, independent of the others. It may also be considered that when there is consistency over time, the continuity will deepen their relationship, strengthen their bond.    

Is true love the same thing as ‘being in love?’  Being with that special someone? Being number one? Being turned on? Having great sex? 

What does it feel like? Is it a high or rather mundane? Does it have substance or is it merely a bundle of excitement?  

Is it a long plateau of fixed contentment, like being “happy ever after?” Or, is it a never-ending, ever-deepening journey fraught with relationship threatening challenges?  

Answering the above questions will require that some important distinctions be made beginning with true love versus ‘being in love.’ Being in love is an altered state of mind. It is a peak experience – exciting, intense… and temporary, tantamount to being high, running on adrenalin. 

When ‘in love,’ two people may feel extremely turned on to each other, but how intimate they are is another question. They may feel clear-headed and certain about each other while they’re in love, while forgetting that they’re looking at each other through the lens of idealization, and are often disillusioned and overwhelmed when reality sets in. They are expecting, assuming or hoping that their altered state of mind will last indefinitely. Chances are they don’t have the experience in relationships that would tell them real intimacy is lacking or hasn’t yet been achieved and/or that they haven’t yet been challenged by negative feelings, conflicts or differences. It is more likely to be that they are basking in the false security of their distorted perception. 

Another important distinction is true love and great sex.

Confusion is evident in the words often used to describe our sexual encounters. “We were intimate.” “We made love.” Physical or sexual intimacy becomes synonymous with true love or emotional intimacy. A common pitfall when there is attraction, desire, great sex, etc, is to assume more of a relationship than there is.  

In light of this confusion, it’s safer and more accurate to not equate true love, or, for that matter, emotional intimacy with attraction, desire or sex; and not to equate the two. Even great sex in no way guarantees emotional intimacy or a great relationship. The two are separate entities and there is no correlation between them. 

One reason for this confusion is that emotional openness and sharing are considerably harder to achieve than the excitement, pleasure and ease associated with sex. Once again, it’s a trap of false security.

  

Does true love depend on the prevailing conditions and circumstances at any given point in time, a matter of being in the right time and place? 

If  there are conditions and circumstances conducive for true love, we may consider them to be contextually based relationships. There is a variety of situations that fit into this category. One is when two people meet when traveling away from home, outside of their usual reality. Another is work-related. There are a great many occupations that afford co-workers intimate knowledge about each other, and endless opportunities to earn respect and trust. In the military, for example, soldiers live and train together for months, sometimes years, and must rely on each other in battle. Police and firefighters also spend large chunks of time together and must depend on each other. Actors travel the whole spectrum of emotions, baring their souls to each other. And people who’ve been through an extreme experience together, i.e. a natural disaster or a terrorist attack, naturally seek understanding and support from the only one who had been through the same experience.   

In contrast, a natural setting is in the natural course of life, independent of an imposed structure, when you must rely solely and entirely on each other to create and sustain rapport.

In these types of situations, it’s quite common to explore whether they’re able to sustain intimacy, whether their relationship can continue to work outside of the context in which their relationship grew, in a natural setting. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. When their relationship works in both settings, they may be more inclined to use true love to describe their relationship. 

Also, when sex enters the picture, a whole other set of dynamics will enter the picture. An intimate platonic relationship doesn’t necessarily translate to a sexually intimate relationship. 

When it comes to true love, intimacy may be the operative term; true love being interchangeable with true intimacy.    

While intimacy may be the operative term, true love may also refer to a bond that goes above and beyond intimacy. We might say, “They are hitting on all cylinders.”

Finding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life