Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce.  But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor.  Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road.  Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce. 

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option.  Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage. 

If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way.  If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea.  Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else. 

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably.  Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse.  Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling.  Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so.  Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will. 

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades.  It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems.  And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling.  But that’s not true.  But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run. 

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true.  Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy. 

If your partner refuses, go on your own.  While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

Loving Relationships: Becoming a Lovable Person in a Loving Relationship

How A Rebound Relationship Can Work In Your Favor

If you have broken up with the love of your life and she is in a rebound relationship, how do you get her back?

A rebound relationship is one where she is dating someone else to get over you.  Rebound relationships keep people from having to deal with the emotions of breaking up.  They're used to help people move on from a real love.

And that's the key to getting your ex back.  She's in a rebound relationship to deal with losing you.

It does not matter why she lost you.  It doesn't matter if it is your fault or hers.  It doesn't even matter who actually called the relationship off.  What matters is that you have a real love.

Because virtually all relationships founded on real love can be saved.

If she's in a rebound relationship, she will be focusing on what is wrong with your relationship.  If you were a "good guy" she'll probably be hanging out with a "bad boy."  If you were into philosophy, he'll be watching Monday Night Football.  Or, vice versa.

The fact that she is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons.  Her attention is still focused on you even when she's with the new guy.  And, it gives you a chance to see what she's looking for.

If she's with someone as different from you as possible, it means that she was missing something in your relationship.  You can use the time she's with rebound man to improve yourself.

Let the rebound relationship run its course.  Because, as she spends time with the new guy, she will start to see the flaws in him.  After a month or so with rebound man, you'll start to look pretty good.

That's why you don't want to crawl back to her right away.  Let her develop the idea that she misses the good things in the relationship.  When she's ready to make a move, be magnanimous.  Welcome her back graciously.  Be a new and improved boyfriend, but don't do the chasing.

Here are some specific steps to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:

* Don't try to convince her that you are the love of her life.  Let her discover this on her own.

* Don't apologize profusely.  If you did something wrong, you can say you're sorry.  Once.  But move on.  She knows the real reason she loves you.

* Don't make promises to change.  You are who you are and that's who she fell in love with.

* Don't try to make her see that it wasn't your fault.  She will come to appreciate that over time - but only if you haven't made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.

* Never, ever beg her to take you back.

When you ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, she's in a rebound relationship.  You can make up with her and get back together.  Don't despair.  The rebound relationship is a sign that she's still in love with you.

The Relationship Rescue Workbook: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner